Description Archives - Wylie Communications, Inc.

Vital statistics

Ann Wylie — Mon, 09 Jan 2017 05:00:11 +0000

Add color and credibility to your copy with numbers

Which personal finance story would draw you in? One that starts:

Are you saving enough for retirement, no matter how young you are?

Name names, number numbers Draw attention to your message with numerical detail. Image by Nadine Shaabana

Or one with this lead, from Northern Update, the marketing magazine of Northern Funds:

A 45-year-old couple making $80,000 a year today will need $4 million at retirement to live comfortably through their 80s.

The latter? Me, too.

Name names and number numbers. Draw attention to your message and prove your points with numerical detail.

1. How big is big?

Show readers size and scale with statistics and comparison.

Here’s a before example, the lead of a content marketing piece a client sent me to edit:

Some 43 hectares of sport tracks will reach nine kilometres in total in order to meet the requirements of the International Federation of Mountain Skiing (FIS). The resort has therefore been equipped with a state-of-the-art XYZ system. ABC’s value-added reseller, Whozits, was commissioned to implement the system. …

There’s a number in there, but it’s not used to build the story, set the scene or make a point. Here’s the after, this time with more statistical evidence to make a point about the client’s project:

You have to tilt your head to see the tops of the mountains at the Rosa Khutor Mountain Resort.

In Russia’s Western Caucasus, some 30 km from the Black Sea, a massive mountain range soars up to 1,760 km — more than a mile — above a tiny subtropical village called Krasnaya Polyana. There, the world’s best athletes will assemble for the alpine skiing competition at the 2014 Winter Games.

But that spectacular terrain also adds up to a major event security communication nightmare. …

2. How small is small?

So how small is small? Is it the size of a thumbnail? An iPhone? A toaster? A backpack? A car?

Help readers see size and scale with comparison.

In this before, the client had included a laptop analogy, but buried it further in the story:

Delivering coverage fast has never been so easy

Temporary communications coverage is often needed to get the job done – whether that’s delivering security at a major event or completing a big engineering project on time. Whatever the need, the world’s smallest base station makes rolling out coverage easier than ever.

The XYZ base station from ABC is the smallest base station in the world, yet it packs in the same powerful features as its big brother, the XX. These include fast TK data, air-interface encryption, 123 handover and base station fallback. …

But if the whole point is size, lead with that. Here’s my rewrite:

Baby grand

The world’s smallest base station makes rolling out coverage easier than ever

It’s little larger than a laptop. But that’s what makes ABC’s XYZ mini base stations — the smallest base stations in the world — so powerful.

You can use them to quickly roll out temporary communications coverage. They fit into tight spaces, save energy and money and even go mobile when necessary.

Talk about small packages. …

How wet is wet?

If your point is “prone to flooding,” then make that point statistically. Here’s another before, from that same client:

As a city prone to flooding, Tianjin in China uses a system of channels and flood retention areas around the city to manage flood water and limit the damage to urban areas. Tianjin is also known for its pioneering efforts in scientific and sustainable development. For the city, water conservation is a top priority and has the highest rate of water recycling in China.

Digital communications plays a major role in this flood management plan and Tianjin has an 800 MHz XYZ network comprising one switch and 15 base stations covering both the city and its suburbs. In addition, one dispatcher workstation and around 100 terminals are used. …

OK, my basement is prone to flooding, too. But how wet is wet? Here’s my rewrite, supplemented with 6 minutes of online research:

Tianjin ranks on a top 10 list no municipality wishes to make: It’s among the top 10 cities in the world at risk of flood loss.

Specifically, Tianjin risks losing nearly 100,000 residents and $30 billion in assets in a deluge, according to a report by Risk Management Solutions.

As Tianjin leaders work to safeguard the sixth largest city in the People’s Republic of China from potentially devastating floods, they employ a surprising tool. In addition to channels, reservoirs and hydraulic monitoring, city officials rely on an 800 MHz XYZ network, developed by ABC. …

Add concrete detail with statistics.

Startling statistics are amongst more than 6 types of concrete material to try.

“If you want to be credible, be specific,” writes Doug Williams, a principal in Tomasini-W2K. “Heinz doesn’t have a ‘multitude’ of varieties; it has 57. Bressler’s doesn’t have a ‘whole lot’ of flavors; it has 33. There aren’t ‘many’ deadly sins; there are seven.

“Well, eight, if you count vague writing.”

How can you make your message more colorful and credible with statistics?

What questions do you have about using statistics in your message?

Learn more about writing with statistics.

How can you make tedious topics interesting?

Fun facts and juicy details might seem like the Cheez Doodles and Cronuts of communication: tempting, for sure, but a little childish and not particularly good for you.

Not so. Concrete details are more like salad dressing and aioli — the secret sauces it takes to get the nutritious stuff down.

Now you can learn to use concrete details to change people's minds — and behavior — at Master the Art of Storytelling, our creative-writing workshop.

There, you’ll learn six quick ways to add color to your message and how to help readers understand big ideas through specific details.

BOOK NOW

The post Vital statistics appeared first on Wylie Communications, Inc..

Make a scene

Ann Wylie — Mon, 09 Jan 2017 04:55:04 +0000

Description adds color to even the most drab story

Google: It may be the next best thing to being there.

Paint a picture Description brings your story to life and takes your readers to the scene.

" data-medium-file="https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/make-a-scene-300x243.jpg" data-large-file="https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/make-a-scene.jpg" tabindex="0" role="button" src="https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/make-a-scene.jpg" alt="Make a scene" title="Make a scene" width="480" height="389" class="size-full wp-image-15019" srcset="https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/make-a-scene.jpg 480w, https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/make-a-scene-300x243.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px" />

Paint a picture Description brings your story to life and takes your readers to the scene.

The best way to get description is to go to the scene and observe. The second best way to get description: Whatever gets the job done.

Which — when editing a story about something that happened many, many months ago in a country many, many time zones away — often means Google.

Here are two examples, from stories I recently edited for a client:

1. Robin Hood caps and sloganeering

For this story, the client got right to the point in a newsy lead: We helped ensure security for everyone involved at the G20 Summit.

But if you’ve written a good headline and deck, your readers already know that. Better to start with the problem, then bring it to life through scene setting so people can see what a big deal it was to accomplish this mission.

To set this scene, I simply reviewed news coverage of the event online.

Research time: 15 minutes.

Before

After

When the G20 summit took place in Cannes in November 2011, ABC secure communication systems helped to ensure the security of everyone involved.

As host, the French government deployed 12,000 security personnel, including the Police, Gendarmerie, State Security Police Force (CRS), firemen and special services. The success of the summit provided several valuable lessons about the key ingredients needed to get the security of such a high-profile event right.

…

Outside the Palais des Festivals in Cannes, France, some 5,500 protesters donned Robin Hood caps, shouted “People First, Not Finance” and demanded a tax on international financial transactions.

Inside, French president Nicolas Sarkozy, German chancellor Angela Merkel, U.S. president Barack Obama and other world leaders discussed Europe’s banking crisis and the possibility of a Greek default.

The 2011 G-20 Summit was the sixth meeting of the G-20 heads of government in a series of ongoing discussions about financial markets and the world economy. It brought together leaders representing 85 percent of the world’s business and two-thirds of its population.

Behind the scenes, helping secure the leaders and the event, were XYZ secure communication systems from ABC.

…

2. ‘More than a mile into the sky’

In this piece, again, scene setting not only grabs attention but also helps illustrate the problem the organization helped its client solve. Details, again, via Google.

Research time: 15 minutes.

Before

After

The Rosa Khutor Alpine Resort is located in Krasnaya Polyana in the Northern Caucasus in Russia, close to the Black Sea. The resort is set to receive a major boost to its profile by becoming one of the major projects of the 2014 Winter Games. Some 43 hectares of sport tracks will reach nine kilometres in total in order to meet the requirements of the International Federation of Mountain Skiing (FIS).

The resort has therefore been equipped with a state-of-the-art XYZ system. ABC’s value-added reseller, Whozits, was commissioned to implement the system.

…

In Russia’s Western Caucasus, some 30 km from the Black Sea, a massive mountain range towers above a tiny subtropical village called Krasnaya Polyana. There, at the Rosa Khutor Mountain Resort, the world’s best athletes will assemble for the alpine skiing competition at the 2014 Winter Games.

You have to tilt your head to see the tops of the mountains, which soar up to 1,760 km — more than a mile — into the sky. That makes Rosa Khutor one of the biggest lift-served mountains in the world, as well as one of the world’s largest resorts.

But that spectacular terrain also adds up to a major event security communication nightmare. It’s no wonder the Russian resort has commissioned a state-of-the-art XYZ communications system from Whozits to help make sure the games run smoothly.

…

How can you tell better business stories?

Stories are so effective that Og Mandino, the late author of the bestselling The Greatest Salesman in the World, says, “If you have a point, find a story.”

Learn to find, develop and write stories that engage readers’ hearts and minds at Master the Art of Storytelling, our content-writing training workshop.

There, you’ll learn how to find the aha! moment that’s the gateway to every anecdote. How to start an anecdote with a bang — instead of a whimper. And how to use “the most powerful form of human communication” to grab attention, boost credibility, make messages more memorable and communicate better.

BOOK NOW

The post Make a scene appeared first on Wylie Communications, Inc..

Paint word pictures

Ann Wylie — Sun, 03 May 2015 05:00:13 +0000

‘You’ll have your hand on your head with a knot under it’

My grandma and namesake, Annie B. Vrana, was an Oklahoma farm woman and one of the most colorful people I’ve known. When she spoke, she painted pictures in your head.

In living color Make your message more vivid with colorful language. Image by

" data-medium-file="https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/paint-word-pictures-300x175.jpg" data-large-file="https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/paint-word-pictures.jpg" tabindex="0" role="button" src="https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/paint-word-pictures.jpg" alt="Paint word pictures" title="Paint word pictures" width="600" height="350" class="size-full wp-image-17148" srcset="https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/paint-word-pictures.jpg 600w, https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/paint-word-pictures-300x175.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" />

In living color Make your message more vivid with colorful language. Image by shraga kopstein

What I didn’t know then that I do know now is that word pictures increase understanding. Because Grandma talked in pictures, we could literally “see” what she was saying.

Here are some of my favorite Grandmaisms. See how she made concepts concrete by turning ideas into things.

What she meant	What she said
I’m gonna wallop you.	“You’ll have your hand on your head with a knot under it.”
He’s lazy.	“He was born tired and never did get rested.”
He’s vain.	“His head is too big for his hat.”
He’s a conversation hog, liar and gossip.	“His tongue is loose at both ends and split in the middle.”
Don’t pout.	“Don’t drop your bottom lip like that; you’re going to step on it.”
I’ve been working hard.	“I’ve been going all morning in a long, sweeping trot.”
Don’t be conceited.	“Don’t get too big for your britches.”
I was discombobulated.	“It got so bad, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going.”
We started dinner without you.	“We’re waiting for you — like one hog waits for another.”
That’s unusual.	“If that don’t beat a hen-a-peckin’ with a rubber bill.”

What’s wrong with this gene pool?

Now my sister, Lynn, is sounding a little like Grandma. Here are some of the colorful phrases she uses at work:

Let’s hunt where the ducks fly.
I did some quick napkin math …
I’ll shake trees and see if I can get an answer.
We need to brush out the hairballs on that poodle.

How can you make your communications clearer and more interesting by turning your ideas into word pictures?

How can you tell better business stories?

Stories are so effective that Og Mandino, the late author of the bestselling The Greatest Salesman in the World, says, “If you have a point, find a story.”

Learn to find, develop and write stories that engage readers’ hearts and minds at Master the Art of Storytelling, our content-writing training workshop.

There, you’ll learn how to find the aha! moment that’s the gateway to every anecdote. How to start an anecdote with a bang — instead of a whimper. And how to use “the most powerful form of human communication” to grab attention, boost credibility, make messages more memorable and communicate better.

BOOK NOW

The post Paint word pictures appeared first on Wylie Communications, Inc..