Tight writing Archives - Wylie Communications, Inc. https://www.wyliecomm.com/tag/tight-writing/ Writing workshops, communication consulting and writing services Thu, 18 Jan 2024 14:51:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.6.2 https://www.wyliecomm.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/cropped-wci-favico-1-32x32.gif Tight writing Archives - Wylie Communications, Inc. https://www.wyliecomm.com/tag/tight-writing/ 32 32 65624304 Tips for organizing magazine articles https://www.wyliecomm.com/2022/07/organizing-magazine-articles/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2022/07/organizing-magazine-articles/#respond Fri, 08 Jul 2022 19:02:21 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=5801 Romance meets finance in this feature

How do you organize a compelling feature?

Model this piece, which Loring Leifer wrote for Northern Funds’ marketing magazine, Northern Update.… Read the full article

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Romance meets finance in this feature

How do you organize a compelling feature?

Organizing magazine articles
Northern Trust shows couples how to handle special financial challenges in this marketing magazine feature.

Model this piece, which Loring Leifer wrote for Northern Funds’ marketing magazine, Northern Update. In it, the Wylie Communications head writer and senior writing coach includes all of the elements you need to craft a compelling feature story.

Headline

Start with a feature head. A creative feature deserves a creative headline. Wordplay works beautifully for this one.
Let’s pause and ponder that for a minute too.

Bridge the gap

Deck

Summarize the story in your deck. Clever headlines grab attention, but they don’t fully explain the story. So write a summary deck in 14 words or less.

May-December marriage? Here’s how to span the age divide and retire together

Lead

Show instead of tell in a feature lead. Feature leads are concrete, creative and provocative. In this example, compression of details gets the piece off to a good start.

Long before Tim Robbins hooked up with Susan Sarandon, 12 years his senior, William Shakespeare, at 18, married 26-year-old Anne Hathaway.

New World settler John Rolfe wed Indian princess Pocahontas, 10 years his junior, in 1614. John Kennedy was 12 years older than Jacqueline Bouvier. John McCain is 17 years older than spouse Cindy.

Age disparity in marriage has been the subject of speculation throughout history. Mixed-aged couples endure raise eyebrows, ribbing and the occasional awkward situation. Imagine having a mother-in-law younger than you or a stepson who beats you to Social Security.

Background

Broaden the story in the background section. Here, you explain why we’re covering this story now, give broader context for the piece and fill in the details readers need to understand the rest of the story.

These couples also face special financial challenges when they want to retire at the same time, according to Tiffany Irving, a Wealth Strategist for Northern Trust.

(Loring also included a sidebar, which explained in detail the special financial problems challenges confronting May-September couples.)

Nut graph

Put the story into a nutshell in the nut paragraph. Here, you tell people what you’re going to tell them.

If your spouse is much younger or older than you, here are some steps you can take today to span the financial divide in retirement.

Body: Section one

Avoid the muddle in the middle: Organize the body of your feature-style story into clear, complete parts. Then use subheads to label the parts for your readers.

Calculate the load

Age differences of 10 years or more change the math for couples who want to retire together.

See how Loring writes like a roller coaster. That is, she weaves metaphors, examples and concrete details throughout the piece to keep readers’ interest.

Imagine retirement as building a bridge to span your post-work life. Because a mixed-age retirement may have to last four or five decades instead of two or three, you’ll have to build the Golden Gate Bridge (almost 9,000 feet) while the Brooklyn Bridge (about 6,000 feet) might suffice for a same-age couple. The assumptions will differ; the calculations are more complex; and the tolerances are tighter.

“A longer period of retirement means your income has to last much longer,” Irving says. “And there are more opportunities to miscalculate.”

Plus, May-December marriages often come with complications, like ex-spouses or children from prior unions. The couple may face a wider range of lifestyle challenges, like toilet-training toddlers while caring for elderly parents.

So, if you want your retirement to lap those of same-age couples, you’ll need a head start. And, you may need to be more diligent in your financial planning efforts than a same-age couple, advises Irving.

Body: Section two

Although this is a linear feature, Loring uses subheads, bullets, bold-faced lead-ins and other display copy. These make scanning easier and lift ideas off of the page.

Span the divide with assets

You’ll want to allocate your portfolio to make sure it addresses the need to provide income now and growth to generate income in the future. Irving suggests that you:

  • Save expansively. Retirement may cost you more, so you’ll need more assets. Max out your IRAs, 401(k)s or pension plans to increase your retirement assets. The same million dollars that might be enough for two 65 year olds might not suffice for a 65-year-old married to someone who’s 40. They’ll have to make the money last twice as long.
  • Calculate cautiously. To cover more decades, use more conservative assumptions about the growth of your assets. While a same-age couple might assume 7% growth, a mixed-age couple might want to choose a more conservative 5% or 6%. The more aggressive your assumptions are, the less likely they’ll come to fruition.
  • Balance your risk profile. Where a same-age couple at retirement age might want to invest half their portfolios in equities, a mixed-age couple might move that up to 55% to support the longer life of the younger spouse — with perhaps a higher percentage in cash to offset the increased risk.
  • Revisit your assumptions regularly. This is important to all couples, but, as your marriage may span more generations, you’ll be more at risk for life changes, like weddings, births and funerals. So, you will want to make sure that your investments stay relevant to your circumstances.

Body: Section three

Notice how Loring has developed her bridge analogy in the display copy. One key to using an extended metaphor is to do so lightly. If Loring used a bridge reference in every paragraph, we’d soon grow weary of the analogy.

Paying the tolls

Before you both quit your jobs, figure out how much money you’ll need to support your retirement habit. Will you maintain your current level of expenses or add to them with a second home or sailboat?

“You’ll need to plan your cash-flow needs more carefully than those who married their high-school sweethearts,” Irving says. She cautions couples to:

  • Avoid early overspending. New retirees are the ones most likely to blow their budgets. You’ll need to stretch your resources over a longer period of time. That means mistakes can have more dramatic consequences.
  • Take care of health care. A younger spouse who retires will not be eligible for Medicare, so you’ll likely have to pay out of pocket for health insurance or health care for many years. And have a plan for how you will manage if one of you needs long-term care.
  • Let your budget decide when it’s time to retire. Maybe you can’t retire at the same time or you’ll both have to postpone retirement for another five years

“By being realistic upfront about what is possible for the future, you can ward off putting your younger spouse in a detrimental situation… and alone,” she says.

Conclusion

Finally, draw to a close in the conclusion. The conclusion has two parts:

1. The wrap up, where you tell readers what you’ve told them. Again, note the concrete details here and throughout the piece.

The other side

May-December retirements may have their financial challenges, but they have perks as well. Having a younger spouse means you’re more likely to have someone with more pep to take care of you as you age, who will keep you up on the latest computer tricks and add some Mos Def to your Mozart.

By marrying a younger woman and fathering children, you may even be helping future generations live longer. A study published in PLoS ONE found that when older men father children with younger women, their offspring tend to live longer.

2. The kicker, where you leave a lasting impression with concrete, creative, provocative information. Here, Loring returns to and spins her bridge analogy for a satisfying final note.

So you may be part of a bridge to a longer life for the next generation.

How can you craft a feature-style story like Loring’s?

Get the word out with clear, compelling copy

Each day, your readers are bombarded with 5,000 attempts to get their attention. That’s nearly 2 million messages a year. Is your copy getting through to your tired, busy, distracted audience?

These days — when people are more inclined to discard information than to read it — you need copy that captures attention, cuts through the clutter and leaves a lasting impression.

Wylie Communications can help. With Wylie Communications on your team, you can:

  • Deliver copy that sells. When Ann’s not writing or editing, she’s training other writers. Or helping companies get the word out to their audiences. She applies the best practices she develops for her training and consulting business to her writing and editing projects. So your project will cut through the clutter, lift your ideas off the page or screen and deliver copy that sells products, services and ideas.
  • Bring award-winning talent to your project. Ann’s work has earned nearly 60 communication awards, including two IABC Gold Quills. Let us help you produce world-class business communications, as well.
  • Get writers who get business. Ann has interviewed George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Robert Redford. But she really enjoys chatting with economists, engineers and surgeons. At Wylie Communications, we’ve written about communication technology for Sprint, about personal finance for Northern Trust and — despite the fact that Ann’s preferred form of exercise is the hike from recliner to refrigerator — about fitness medicine for the Mayo Clinic. We’ll get up to speed on your industry, quickly and thoroughly.
  • Stop working weekends. Our team provides a virtual staff to write and edit newsletters and magazines for Saint Luke’s, Northern Trust, State Street/Kansas City and Sprint. Let us pick up the slack in your department, too.

Now let’s see yours! Please post or link to your original inverted pyramid and revised feature in the comments section.

  • Feature-writing workshop, a mini master class

    Draw readers in with the best structure

    Writers say, “We use the inverted pyramid because readers stop reading after the first paragraph.”

    But in new research, readers say, “We stop reading after the first paragraph because you use the inverted pyramid.”

    Learn a structure that’s been proven in the lab to outperform the inverted pyramid at our feature-writing workshop.

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Write like Churchill — in one-syllable words https://www.wyliecomm.com/2021/12/write-like-churchill-in-one-syllable-words/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2021/12/write-like-churchill-in-one-syllable-words/#respond Thu, 02 Dec 2021 05:00:07 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=14789 ‘Short words are best, and old words when short are the best of all’

What do you notice about this passage, excerpted from an article in The Economist?… Read the full article

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‘Short words are best, and old words when short are the best of all’

What do you notice about this passage, excerpted from an article in The Economist?

Short one syllable words
Want to improve reading ease? Take a tip from Winston Churchill: Use mostly one-syllable words.  Image by Andy Lidstone

‘Short words are best,’ said Winston Churchill, “and old words when short are the best of all.”

“And, not for the first time, he was right: short words are best. Plain they may be, but that is their strength. They are clear, sharp and to the point. You can get your tongue round them. You can spell them. Eye, brain and mouth work as one to greet them as friends, not foes. For that is what they are. They do all that you want of them, and they do it well.

“On a good day, when all is right with the world, they are one more cause for cheer. On a bad day, when the head aches, you can get to grips with them, grasp their drift and take hold of what they mean. And thus they make you want to read on, not turn the page. …”

With the exception of “Winston” and “Churchill,” this 800-word story uses only one-syllable words. And, with an average word length of 3.7 characters, it scores a Flesch Reading Ease of 100.

Make 80% of your words one syllable long.

Take a tip from this passage: Use mostly one-syllable words.

Chances are, you won’t lose anything but reading difficulty. As Alden S. Wood, columnist on language and English usage, writes:

“Compensation and remuneration say nothing that pay does not say better. Gift is more to the point than donation. Room will beat accommodation every time, as try will defeat endeavor. On the other hand, interface, parameter, viable, finalize and prioritize are typical of the voguish words that mask, rather than reveal, what it is we want to say.”

Use short words.

It is possible to write in mostly one-syllable words.

In fact, members of the “Club for One-Pulse Words” go so far as to speak exclusively in words of one syllable.

And you thought writing with short words was tough.
____

Sources: “In praise of short words,” The Economist, Oct. 7, 2004

Alden S. Wood, “Wood on Words: Keep it Simple,” IABC Communication World, December 1988

Ann Wylie, Cut Through the Clutter, Wylie Communications Inc., 2005

Dave Blum, “In Praise of Small Words,” The Wall Street Journal,  “Some Month, One Nine Eight Two”

  • Clear-writing workshop, a mini master class

    Reach more readers with tight writing

    Would your piece be twice as good if it were half as long? Yes, say readability experts.

    So how long should your message be? Your paragraphs? Your sentences? Your words? What reading ease level should you hit?

    Learn how to write clearer, more concise messages at our clear-writing course.

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What is clarity in writing https://www.wyliecomm.com/2021/11/what-is-clarity-in-writing/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2021/11/what-is-clarity-in-writing/#respond Sun, 21 Nov 2021 17:46:36 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=13776 Stop these institutional mistakes for readability

Want to make sure you’re not eradicating clarity in your organization?

Slaughter these problems instead, suggest Martin J. Eppler, Ph.D.,… Read the full article

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Stop these institutional mistakes for readability

Want to make sure you’re not eradicating clarity in your organization?

What is clarity in writing
Failure to communicate Want to get the message across? Slay these clarity killers to improve readability. Image by grufnar

Slaughter these problems instead, suggest Martin J. Eppler, Ph.D., and Nichole Bischof. They’re the authors of “Complex to Clear: Managing Clarity in Corporate Communication.”

Top 3 clarity killers

According to participants in a survey by Eppler and Bischoff, the top three reasons corporate communications are hard to understand:

  • Information overload. Including too many details in a communication vehicle (mean=3.61/5.0)
  • Approval process. Involving too many people in creating the communication vehicle (mean=3.36/5.0)
  • Death by tweakage. Inserting errors and inconsistencies and making too many changes to over time (mean=3.36/5.0)

Institutional clarity killers

These recurring managerial issues often lead to unclear communication, according to Eppler and Bischof:

  • Too many cooks. The approval process results in inconsistent, overlapping and stylistically diverse messages. Example: An intranet article that’s been written by half-a-dozen “writers.” Driver: Lack of ownership. Solution: Give one owner the authority as well as the responsibility for the piece.
  • Too big to fail. Everyone gets their own essential detail into the vehicle, which is now redundant, unclear and overloaded with information. Example: A marketing brochure that includes every grunt and groan about the project or service. Driver: “Iterations without consolidation.” Solution: Consolidate and redraft.
  • Re-use abuse. Cut-and-paste segments are outdated, redundant and inconsistent. Example: A blog post that contains unedited paragraphs from a partner company’s website. Driver: Time. Solution: Fact-check and rewrite cut-and-paste passages.
  • Swiss Army knife. Documents that attempt to serve multiple audiences but really serve none. Example: A press release for investors, journalists, community members and employees. Driver: Time and money. Solution: Divide and conquer. Write one piece, then tailor it to target audiences.

Clarity killers by project

Some topics and vehicles bring with them additional communication challenges. Are you communicating:

  • The corporate vision and values? Clarity killer: Making these top-line messages abstract and generic. Simplicity solution: Add examples, stories and concrete details.
  • Strategic direction? Clarity killer: Using the structure of the strategy, such as a balanced scorecard or strategy map. Simplicity solution: Develop an accessible visual metaphor for the audience, not for the creators.
  • Social media? Clarity killer: Using jargon and communicating down a one-way street. Simplicity solution: Write in the language of the reader. Invite and listen to feedback.

Which of these clarity killers is your organization guilty of? How can you resuscitate clarity in your shop?

___

Source: Martin J. Eppler, Ph.D., and Nichole Bischof, “Complex to Clear: Managing Clarity in Corporate Communication,” University of St. Gallen, November 2011

  • Clear-writing workshop, a mini master class

    Reach more readers with tight writing

    Would your piece be twice as good if it were half as long? Yes, say readability experts.

    So how long should your message be? Your paragraphs? Your sentences? Your words? What reading ease level should you hit?

    Learn how to write clearer, more concise messages at our clear-writing course.

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‘Dear Mother’ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2016/12/dear-mother/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2016/12/dear-mother/#comments Mon, 26 Dec 2016 04:55:13 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=14883 Write a letter to make your copy conversational
“Good writers are visible just behind their words.”
— William Zinsser, author, On Writing Well

Eliot Fette Noyes was a Harvard-trained architect and industrial designer.… Read the full article

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Write a letter to make your copy conversational
“Good writers are visible just behind their words.”
— William Zinsser, author, On Writing Well

Eliot Fette Noyes was a Harvard-trained architect and industrial designer. He worked on projects for IBM — most famously the IBM Selectric typewriter and the Westchester IBM Research Center.

'Dear mother'
Letter perfect How would you explain this concept to your mom? Image by Vintageprintable1
Frustrated with IBM employee jargon, Noyes composed a pamphlet called “Dear Mother.”

He suggested that employees write memos as if they were simple notes to Mom.

Dear Byron

It was 1962, and Tom Wolfe was covering the hot rod and custom car culture of Southern California for Esquire magazine.

That is, he was trying to cover it. He was having so much trouble that his desperate editor, Byron Dobell, asked Wolfe to send him his notes so he could have another writer try.

On the night before deadline, Wolfe he sat down at his typewriter and, ignoring all journalistic conventions, banged out a personal letter to Dobell explaining what he wanted to say on the subject. Dobell just removed the salutation — “Dear Byron” — and published the letter intact.

The result was “There Goes (Varoom! Varoom!) That Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby” — an article that helped establish the New Journalism movement.

  • How long should your message be?

    Would your message be twice as good if it were half as long?

    Yes, the research says. The shorter your message, the more likely readers are to read it, understand it and make good decisions based on it.Rev Up Readability — our clear-writing workshopSo how long is too long? What’s the right length for your piece? Your paragraphs? Your sentences? Your words?

    Find out at Rev Up Readability — our clear-writing workshop.

    There, you’ll use a cool (free!) tool to analyze your message for 33 readability metrics. You’ll leave with quantifiable targets, tips and techniques for measurably boosting readability.

____

Source: “Ten Things You Should Know About Eliot Noyes,” Dwell, April 2007

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The (One-Page) Magazine https://www.wyliecomm.com/2013/08/the-one-page-magazine/ https://www.wyliecomm.com/2013/08/the-one-page-magazine/#respond Mon, 26 Aug 2013 04:01:24 +0000 http://www.wyliecomm.com/?p=5677 The New York Times goes brief

Talk about brief: The New York Times packs 13 stories onto its briefs page, called The (One-Page) Magazine.

Notice the combination of:

  • One-paragraph profiles, trend pieces and new nuggets
  • One-sentence reviews
  • Charts (History, in Kardashians)
  • Glossary items (This should be a word: Denigreet)
  • Timelines (This one’s running across the top and down the right side)
  • Infographics (This one’s running across the bottom of the page)

How brief are your briefs?Read the full article

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The New York Times goes brief

Talk about brief: The New York Times packs 13 stories onto its briefs page, called The (One-Page) Magazine.

The One-Page Magazine image
CUT A LONG STORY SHORT The New York Times squeezes 13 stories into its One-Page Magazine.

Notice the combination of:

  • One-paragraph profiles, trend pieces and new nuggets
  • One-sentence reviews
  • Charts (History, in Kardashians)
  • Glossary items (This should be a word: Denigreet)
  • Timelines (This one’s running across the top and down the right side)
  • Infographics (This one’s running across the bottom of the page)

How brief are your briefs?
If they were briefer, would they be better?

  • How long should your message be?

    Would your message be twice as good if it were half as long?

    Yes, the research says. The shorter your message, the more likely readers are to read it, understand it and make good decisions based on it.Rev Up Readability — our clear-writing workshopSo how long is too long? What’s the right length for your piece? Your paragraphs? Your sentences? Your words?

    Find out at Rev Up Readability — our clear-writing workshop.

    There, you’ll use a cool (free!) tool to analyze your message for 33 readability metrics. You’ll leave with quantifiable targets, tips and techniques for measurably boosting readability.

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