When Ian Jones needed to craft a — yawn! — diversity story for employees at Columbia Gas of Virginia, his first instinct was to go with a fact pack.

You can see Ian’s natural creativity peeking through with the concrete details in the headline and — buried deep but still breathing — in the lead.

But by the end of a recent Catch Your Readers Master Class, Ian had totally rewritten his piece from an inverted pyramid to a feature story. That basic structure lets the concrete details rise to the top.

Here’s his before and after:

1. Lead

Like (too) many of us, Ian was taught to cram all of the facts into the lead, so readers would get the key details before they stop reading after the first paragraph. Here’s how his opening paragraph looked:

You can see the problem with that: a lead that is so thick that most readers will stop reading before the first paragraph. Plus, Ian’s delightful concrete details get smothered in all of the not-so-interesting facts.

Instead of a fact pack, write a lead that draws readers in with a concrete detail or three. Don’t tell the whole story in the lead — that’s what the whole story is for — but write a lead paragraph that entices people to read the second paragraph.

Here’s how Ian handled that in his rewrite:

2. Nut graph

Inverted pyramids don’t have nut graphs, so neither did Ian’s original story.

When you don’t feel compelled to put all of the W’s in the lead, they need someplace to go. Ian moves them into the nut paragraph:

At 57 words, that’s still a little thick. What can you do in 25 words or less?

3. Background section

No background in the original story. But in the rewrite, Ian provides context for the story — the reason the diversity initiative is so important:

4. Body

In his first version, Ian emphasizes the event — what happened during the kickoff — in the body of his post:

In the second, he focuses on the impact: what the attendees learned that might be helpful to you, too:

Note also the crisp paragraphs in the final version compared to the 100-plus-word-long ones in the original.

5. Wrapup

The great thing about inverted pyramids is that you don’t have to craft a conclusion. When you’re finished, you just stop typing. That’s what Ian did in his original.

But the feature-style story structure demands an ending. In his revision, Ian summarizes the story in the wrapup, or the penultimate paragraph, topped as it should be with a subhead to separate the body from the ending:

6. Kicker

Ian ends with bang and circles back to the top with a concrete details kicker that leaves a lasting impression:

Focus on the reader.

“Thinking about the reader from the start really changes everything — from story angle to story structure to sentence length,” Ian says. “Instead of approaching writing from the perspective of a writer, I now think about whether I’m writing a story I would want to read.’”

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When I teach the feature-style story structure, communicators nod. It seems reasonable that readers would prefer concrete, creative stories to a hierarchical blurtation of facts.

BUT — and as Pee-Wee Herman said, there’s always a big but — they wonder, is the feature-style story structure for everything? Even for writing an email? Even for writing event invites?

Yes, Virginia, the feature structure works for almost everything — email messages included, event invites include. And here’s proof, thanks to Sarah Herr, employee communications manager at Sensus.

In my Think Inside the Inbox workshop, Sarah rewrote her company’s holiday party invitation, transforming it from blah to brilliant, using the feature structure. Here’s how she did it:

1. Lead

The job of the lead is to grab readers’ attention and draw them in. But too often, writers get down to the nuts and bolts in email invitations.

Here’s Sarah’s original just-the-facts-ma’am approach:

But the key to a good invitation lead is to make folks want to attend the event. So tell them what they can look forward to in a concrete, creative, provocative feature lead.

Sarah visited my BFF and research assistant, Google, to find out what her colleagues could do at the science museum. Her revision whets my appetite with specific details about the party:

Remember, you’re covering the topic in the subject line. If you mention the holiday party there, you don’t need to lead with it.

2. Nut graph

In the nut graph, you’ll tell readers where you’re taking them.

Inverted pyramids don’t include nut graphs, so Sarah’s original email invitation skipped this element too. But in her revised piece, Sarah encapsulates the main point in one quick, informal sentence:

3. Background

The background section gives readers information they need to know before they dive into the body of the story. That might be a definition, bit of context or history lesson.

But background is also known as blah-blah. Don’t let blah-blah get between your readers and your story: Keep this to one short paragraph.

In her first version, Sarah has a quick paragraph of background after the lead:

Her revision pares that down a bit:

4. Body

The body is where you develop the story. In this case of an email invitation, you’ll give a few more details about what people will be able to see, learn or do at the event.

Sarah’s original was already pretty good. She had me at heavy hors d’oeuvres and carving stations!

In the revision, she adds a few more details about what attendees will be able to see and do:

If you have a series of three or more activities to showcase, you might use bullet points to make the body a list. The line breaks and extra white space make these activities stand out.

5. Wrapup

In the wrapup, you’ll draw to a conclusion.

Your call to action goes here. That means the wrapup — not the lead — is where you put time, date, place, contact information and the reserve button. Something like:

6. Kicker

The job of the kicker is to end with a bang, to leave a lasting impression. Inverted pyramids don’t include kickers, so Sarah’s original doesn’t, either. But in her revision, she ends with a bang in a concrete, creative provocative final paragraph:

Now that sounds like a party!

Congratulations, Sarah, on a great email!

How to structure an email invitation

The feature structure increases reading, sharing and more. (Download our free e-book chapter on why the feature outperforms the inverted pyramid.)

For that reason, features work for virtually all media, channels, topics and audiences. Choose this structure when you write a formal email, professional email or business email, as well as an email invitation. It’s also a good idea to use a feature approach for social media and other business communications. Next time you find yourself composing an email invitation, double-check this list before sending the email.

Learn more about writing emails:

• What email address should you use?
• How can you write a compelling subject line?
• How else can you make your email programs more effective?

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Here’s the good news: You already know how to organize your copy.

Just think back to what your third-grade English teacher taught you. Most pieces of writing have three sections:

1. Introduction: the beginning
2. Body: the middle
3. Conclusion: the end

That makes writing a feature story as easy as 1-2-3.

Feature structure works well for blog posts, social media posts and other types of content.

A fill-in-the-boxes structure

Draw these three sections on a piece of paper, and your piece of content looks like this:

OK, so it’s not quite that easy. Because each of those sections has its own parts.

So what goes into each box?

Introduction

The introduction has three parts: the lead, the nut graph and a background section.

1. Lead

The lead’s job is to grab attention and pull readers into the piece. The best way to do that is to write a lead that’s concrete, creative and provocative.

In one of my favorite befores-and-afters ever, here’s a lead by Elizabeth Tadman-Kickham, a communication specialist for Strathcona County, Canada, before applying the feature-style story structure:

But by the end of my Catch Your Readers Master Class, Elizabeth had totally rewritten her piece. Here’s that lead after mastering this approach:

Nut graph

Once you grab attention in the lead, you need to tell readers where you’re taking them. Do that in the nut graph, where you put the story into a nutshell.

There’s no nut graph in the before example, because there’s no nut graph in an inverted pyramid.

The nut graph in the after version puts the story into a nutshell:

Background section

The background section — aka the blah blah — is the boring but necessary information in the story. It might include broader context, a definition or a history or trend.

Keep the background to the third paragraph. Don’t let it bubble up to the lead.

Elizabeth Tadman-Kickham’s original story didn’t have a background section. Inverted pyramids don’t have them, and she’d used up all of her background in that (definition) lead.

Here’s the background section in her rewrite:

Body

In the body, you build out the story into clear, logical parts. To help web visitors find what they’re looking for, label the parts with subheads or bulleted lists with bold-faced lead-ins.

Here’s the body of Elizabeth Tadman-Kickham’s original piece:

Her rewrite is much tighter and invites readers in:

Conclusion

The conclusion has two parts: a wrapup and a kicker.

Wrapup.

In the wrapup, you will call readers to action or summarize the key message.

Elizabeth Tadman-Kickham’s original wrapup:

Her revision is a bit more streamlined:

Kicker.

To leave a lasting impression, go with a kicker that’s concrete, creative and provocative.

The great thing about inverted pyramids is that when you get to the end, you just stop typing. That’s why Elizabeth Tadman-Kickham didn’t include a kicker.

But features require an ending. Here’s the kicker from Elizabeth’s rewrite:

This to me is the least satisfying part of Elizabeth’s rewrite. I wish instead she had circled back to the top and quoted Florence Storch, that 101-year-old woman who’s running around with a pointed stick and knows how to use it. Maybe something like:

How to organize content

Regardless of which social media platforms you use or where you publish content, make the feature structure part of your content creation process. It’s one of the best content marketing strategies there is.

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It was a good story: More than 1,000 New Englanders would soon have safe, decent, affordable places to live, thanks to the Federal Home Loan Bank of Boston’s Affordable Housing Program.

But PR convention demands that we reduce good stories to hierarchical blurtations of fact. And that’s what Mark Zelermyer, the bank’s vice president and director of corporate communications, did with the first draft of his news release covering the story.

But by the end of my NOT Your Father’s News Release Master Class, Mark had totally rewritten his release, taking the story from blah to brilliant. What can you learn from his before and after?

Get a refresher on the feature-style structure.

1. Headline and deck

Mark started out focusing on “us and our stuff”:

FHLB BOSTON AWARDS $30.3 MILLION FOR AFFORDABLE HOUSING THROUGHOUT NEW ENGLAND

48 Initiatives Will Result in More Than 1,000 Units in Six States

But his rewrite focuses on the impact, not on the event, of the program.

MORE THAN 1,000 NEW ENGLANDERS TO GAIN AFFORDABLE HOUSING

Federal Home Loan Bank of Boston Awards $30.3 Million to 48 Projects

2. Lead

In his first draft, Mark crams all of the W’s into a fact pack lead:

The second version shows instead of tells, focusing on specific details about the program’s outcomes. That pulls readers into the story, and it communicates better than a wall of abstraction. Plus, at 24 words, it creates a bridge into the story instead of an obstacle to reading:

3. Nut graph

Mark didn’t write a nut graph for his traditional news release, because inverted pyramids don’t have nut graphs. But in his revision, Mark puts the story into a nutshell in a short nut graph:

4. Background section

In the first draft, Mark gives some context in the quote, then shares perhaps more background information than anyone who doesn’t work at the bank cares to know about how the program works:

In the second version, Mark streamlines the “how it works” section into a short paragraph, then follows up with the context in a more manageable quote:

5. Body

The juicy details are buried in the body of Mark’s first version:

The following communities will benefit from FHLB Boston AHP funds:

The body in the revision covers just the facts of importance to people — and, OK, Google — who may be seeking information about housing in their own communities:

6. Wrapup

Mark ends with a call to action in each version:

But wait! There’s more …

In addition to making his story more compelling, Mark also make it more than 30% more readable. To do so, he:

• Slashed the length of the lead paragraph by 70%
• Cut word count by 37%
• Streamlined sentences by 25%
• Reduced passive voice by 77 percentage points

It’s no surprise that Mark suggested we change the name of our PR-writing Master Class to “The News Release Makeover.”

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